07 February 2006

Doctors have more interesting jobs than most of us

Don't believe it? Go have a read at Things I Learn From My Patients. Random sample:
if you are going to have a leg amputated in a car accident be very sure that the neighborhood dog is not lurking in the area...they tend to take what they can get.

That broken hand you deliberately smashed with a hammer will get you ONE PRESCRIPTION FOR VICODIN, NO REFILLS. Do not go home and remove the cast and try to return to the ER two hours later to get more. We are busy, but we will remember you.

If you're a 13 year old girl with a long arm, fiberglass cast on it's totally OK to go swimming at the beach (she didn't even try the usless bag with duct tape trick). When your dripping, sand filled cast starts to itch be sure to use a bent coat hanger to pull out all the cast padding. Since that won't work (I swear I'm not making this up) go ahead and pour salt down the cast on the assumption that it will soak up the water. Once your arm is a red, macerated mess come on down to the ED.
Aside from the stupidity of this course of action this girl also had a weird affect so I asked if she was developmentally delayed. This thoroughly annoyed the girl and her mother but the dad said, "Well I can see why you might think that but no."

...don't allow someone with a known poorly controlled seizure disorder to perform oral sex on you...

If your family/doctor/government whatever has taken away your drivers license because you have frequent seizures and refuse to take your pheno, please use a riding lawn-mower as your primary means of transportation. Chances are, you won't seize, hit a telephone pole, burn your leg and scalp on the mower as you fall off of it, and cause a power outage in your surrounding area.

This stuff goes on for 38 pages. It makes for an absorbing afternoon.

Technorati Tags: ,